This page is connected my Writing 101, day 17 challenge post.
Mr P. was actually urinating in the middle of the road, motionless, with his back to me, wearing dark clothing. I was driving home after working a party plan party in Hamilton, selling candles, cane and jewellery. Distracted by vehicles backing out from in front of the hotel where bingo had just finished, people waving and yelling from the front door, I did not see him until I struck him. I had moved over the line when a vehicle began backing out as I approached. I was driving at well below the speed restrictions.
After he flew over the bonnet and on to the street I pulled over in front of the hotel, parked, turned off the ignition and watched the sheet of blood run down the windscreen. I screamed and screamed until I pulled my self together. I got out of the car and started to walk back. I called out and asked if he was dead and someone said, I have no idea who, “oh it was you, Christine, go back, don’t come over.” So I went back to the car where people took care of me, rang my husband and all that. I was taken up to the hospital for the drink-driving blood test.
I had not been drinking, my blood tests were clear. I spoke with the police at the scene, a Thursday evening, and fronted up to the Station Monday for the official interview. Some time later, I was served a summons as Mr P.’s mother sued for loss of income, but that was handled by the RTA (that’s what third-party car insurance is for). At the same time, the policeman asked me not to attend the inquest, on order from the Coroner. There were no other legal consequences for me, as this was just before the mandatory culpable driving causing death laws came in.
Somehow, it was more bearable that the man I killed wasn’t married, nor had children.
As for myself, I functioned normally. I think I had some pills for a week, maybe two, but I have been told this. I have no recall. Apart from two dreams – the first an exact replica of the accident, and the second of my children being run-over at a local football match – I did not dream or feel anything for an unremembered time. I could not love, because if I felt love then I had to have other feelings as well. I remember when love returned without me pushing it away again, it was such a relief.
My biggest fear is that this could happen again. So many times, since then, I have expected people to step off the curb in front of my car.
I am sorry for dumping this on you, but I am unburdening myself in the process. Thank you for reading, and caring.